clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

How To Be A Jerk To Yourself w/ Amanda Cerny (Lesson 8)

Now, more than ever, it’s important to stay connected to your friends so you can be a jerk to them anywhere, any time.

How To Be A Jerk To Yourself w/ Amanda Cerny (Lesson 8)

Tired: being a jerk Wired: being a jerk to your friends Inspired: being a jerk to yourself! (Starring Amanda Cerny)

Posted by Funny Or Die on Sunday, December 27, 2020

If you want to be a true jerk, you can’t just be a jerk to everyone you love (pfft - that’s too easy!). First, you have to be a jerk to ?yourself ?




Look yourself in the mirror and judge the way you look. Start with a completely unrealistic set of expectations and standards for yourself. A skilled jerk will find super-specific problem areas that you can obsess over that nobody will even notice or care about.

Note: it’s important to be a jerk to yourself on purpose. If it’s happening uncontrollably, it could be a totally different thing, like a disorder being a jerk to you. Get professional help, regain control, and be a jerk to yourself on purpose.



Eat a lot of carbs and sugar, whatever tastes good, however much you want, anytime. Experts say sitting is linked to cancer, heart disease, and diabetes, and even depression - so be sure to NOT exercise or walk or even get up from whatever seat you’re in right now. If you’re privileged enough to have healthcare in this society run by a bunch of jerks, don’t use it!! If you don’t bother to go to the doctor, the dentist, or even the eye doctor, you can play your own game of wellness roulette. Who knows what diseases you could be developing right now? A true jerk has no idea.



Define yourself by failure: start by focusing only on things that have gone poorly in your life, tell yourself you’ve learned nothing from these moments, and go forward and repeat those same mistakes over and over!

Tell yourself how incompetent you are every day. This will help kill any motivation you may have to improve yourself. Only think about your least successful moments in life and use that to justify a complete lack of faith in yourself.

But what if you have an obvious track record of success? Just tell yourself that your success really comes from your narcissistic need to serve your own ego, thereby invalidating any actual good you’ve ever done and making you more prone to toxic and unhealthy behaviors!

Well, that completes this course. Now you know how to be a jerk to yourself and throughout your life as a whole. Now go out there and spread this toxic behavior throughout the world!!



Amanda Cerny

Created by:

Darren Miller

Written by:

Darren Miller

Tamara Yajia

Directed by:

Eleanor Giblet

Executive Producers:

Darren Miller

Tamara Yajia


Carly Reeve


Amanda Cerny (Brie Summers)


Michelle Akeley- 1st AD

Kevin Cardoni- Production Manager

Marla Black- Production Coordinator

Noa Skikne- Production Assistant

Anna Asher- Script Supervisor

Arlene Muller- Director of Photography

Kalea Calloway- Camera Operator

Minami Moriyama- 1st Assistant Camera

Moses Okunoren- Camera PA

Marizo Siller- Gaffer

Phil Gardner- Key Grip

Caitlin Williams- Production Designer

Ed Raines- Set Dresser

Layla Kornota- Prop Master

Samantha Crainich- Art PA

Wade Vanover- Construction

Jessica Leigh Schwartz- Hair & Make Up Artist

Alison Holmes- Costumer

Nial Morgan- Sound Mixer

Jen Freeman- COVID-19 Compliance Officer

Joshua Rathmell- Editor

Andrew Jewell - Keying Editor

Bryan Weider- Animator & Graphics

Paul Smith- Animator & Graphics

Kristopher Wile- Animator

Head of Physical Production, FOD- Jim Ziegler

Head of Post Production, FOD- Phil Loeb

Manager, Post Production, FOD- Cody Pereira